Deliver Me
by Duchess of Discourse
Summary: Kel has lost her memory. Without her past experiences will she be able to defend Tortall when it is required of her? AUish. after Squire
1. The Girl and the Drunk

Deliver Me

Chapter 1: The Girl and the Drunk

_No one else can take risks for us, or face our losses on our behalf, or give us self-esteem. No one can spare us from life's slings and arrows, and when death comes, we meet it alone._ -  
**Martha Beck**

Kel's head felt close to splitting, "Uh, what happened last night?" she groaned and tried to get her bearings in a dark room. The floor was rough, made of packed dirt and stones that scratched her hands.

She felt something wet splashing on her neck, and reached up to brush it off. But as she touched it, Kel realized it was too thick to be water. When she brought a finger up to her nose she smelt the metallic odor that could only be blood. She gasped and tried to locate the source of the blood and found that the right side of her head was covered in blood. There were some clumps of clotted blood in her matted hair and she could feel that it was still flowing from the source near the top of her head. She gritted her teeth as she started to become more aware of the pain on the side of her head.

She moved her hand around in an attempt to find something to use for leverage to stand. Her hand fell on a ruff wooden bench above her. Kel attempted to hoist herself up, but couldn't. She didn't understand why she had no control over her lower body. She kept pushing on the bench with all her strength, and she barely moved an inch.

'Why isn't this working?' Kel was so disorientated. There was no light, she was possible bleeding to death, and she was alone.

'Why won't my legs move?' she thought in confusion. Her shifting motions had caused her to feel an odd prickling sensation in her legs. She groped the ground around her to try and feel out the problem. Her hand landed on something warm. The thing that her hand had landed on had hair, 'a cat?', but it was by far too heavy for a cat. The thing grunted in protest at being prodded by Kel, and then in her exploration of the thing, she felt fingers. It was a person that was lying across her lower body.

She felt for his hair again and then cuffed the man roughly across his head.

"Oh, get off!"She ordered. Her command however fell on deaf ears. Clearly he was too drunk to hear her, still in an alcohol induced stupor. Eventually, Kel gave up on speech and attempted to roll the body off of her, but to no avail. He did not wake up. He was like a boulder and she was too weak from blood lose to do much. She had no idea how long she had been bleeding for.

"Well this is wonderful", the damn man was just so huge. She couldn't lift him. She was not in the mood for this. She still couldn't help but wonder where she was or how she had even gotten to be there.

In fact, when she really tried to think about it, she couldn't remember much at all. 'Does anyone know I'm here?', she tried to think of who might be able to help her, but then panic set in as she realized that she couldn't think of anyone. A pair of green eyes came to mind, a smile, but nothing else. And then, a by far worse realization hit her. She didn't even know her own name.

Kel remembered nothing.


	2. The Stage is Set

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Your comments were encouraging or helpful or both. )**

Chapter 2: The Stage has Been Set

_Oh what a tangled web we weave,  
When first we practise to deceive! _

-Sir Walter Scott

After a while, Kel closed her eyes, and she dreamed…

_Kel found herself in a long corridor, the walls were seamless, and black. She could find no source of light except for an odd sort of glow that was the ceiling. Along the walls were door handles and what she assumed to be doors, although she saw no frames or hinges. She tried to open some, but all of them were locked. _

_She kept walking and trying doors until she came to one that opened. The room inside it was bare but for a single candle in the center. She edged into the room cautiously. Kel was fascinated with the candle, it was so small and yet it lit up the whole room. Kel realized that all the walls were made of what seemed to be mirrors. They were ruined though, imperfect. The only images that she could see within them were warped, and fragmented._

_She tried not look at the deformed images of herself on the walls and walked towards the candle. Kel couldn't look away. She felt drawn to it, it seemed to call to her. She felt an odd sort of connection to the candle as strange as that seemed. _

_Without really understanding what she was doing, she reached out to the small dancing flame. She gasped in pain as her hand came into contact with it. But when she looked down at __her hand, she didn't see the start of a burn, or the marred tender flesh that she expected. Instead she saw a word etched neatly into her skin, **lies**. _

"Eh, wake up!" she felt someone nudge her shoulder, "Eh, Ed, you think this one's all right? She looks pretty beat up. I'm not havin' any dead wenches in my pub, ya hear! You gotta stop with all those damn brawls. Just because you get piss drunk and some guy won't get out of your way it doesn't mean that ya can make a mess! Ya can't just-"

"Oh, put a sock in it, she's fine, look she's stirring a little bit." Ed pointed to Kel, and then tapped her cheek, "Come on poppet, raise and shine."

Kel knew that she couldn't pretend anymore, and slowly opened her eyes. Standing above her were two men. One was a skinny, with long, thin, blonde hair, and the other had similar characteristics to the boulder that had been on her earlier. She assumed that his name was Ed. He was very large, not fat, just big. His hair was very short and black. He wasn't that bad looking either.

"See Charlie, I told you she was fine. The thing on her head was just a little flesh wound; she probably got hit with a bottle or something." Then he directed his focus to Kel, "Sorry I landed on you." Ed said casually, like a gash on the side of her head was no big deal at all and like he passed out drunk on top of girls all the time.

She looked around and noticed that she was on a pub bench, instead of on the floor. The odd thing was that she realized that she was wearing a dress, and being a girl, normally this would make sense, but Kel felt oddly out of place in it.

"Ya should know by now Lillian that ya can't get in the way when old Eddie here starts getting' riled up. I thought by now that ya were smarter than that."

She was a bit startled that this man knew her name. However, when she heard it, it did not sound familiar like she thought hearing her name would. The name Lillian sounded foreign and new, not how a name that she must have had her whole life would sound to her ears.

She was still so confused, and a little excited that these men knew her. Maybe they could help her, or maybe knew something about her. Maybe they knew where she lived, and about her family. Did she have one? She needed to know.

Then she remembered that strange, almost vision that she had of green eyes. Did those eyes belong to a family member? A lover? Did she have one? Knowing nothing about herself terrified Kel. And here were two men that might hold some of the answers that she so desperately wanted.

"Charlie," she used the name carefully, it felt very strange on her tongue, "who am I?"

Ed and Charlie exchanged a glance that she could only assume was one of shock. Then Charlie's face contorted in anger.

"Look what ya've done now! My best maid lost 'er memory. Ya've really done it now!"

Ed just looked upset, and maybe a little confused? He ignored Charlie's ranting and shouted over Charlie's voice, "Right then. I'll just take Lil to her room. Maybe some sleep will help."

Kel was slightly startled as Ed placed a hand on her shoulder and gently, but quickly guided her towards a doorway on one side of the bar. He led her down a hallway, and at the end of the hallway was a door. He opened it and let go of her shoulder.

"Well, here you go. This is your room. Why don't you get some sleep and me and Charlie will answer your questions after you've had some rest." He turned to leave, but Kel just stayed where she was, hovering on the threshold of her supposed home. She felt a little lost, and a little angry. Why were they ignoring her questions? She needed answers! She had gotten all the rest she needed for the next couple days, it felt like she had slept for ages. She glared at his back as he left, feeling betrayed by someone she didn't even remember.

He seemed to feel her eyes on him and turned around. "I am truly sorry about what happened and although I didn't actually do this to you, like Charlie said, it is my fault. You don't deserve to be in this situation, but the circumstances are out of my control. " She nodded at his apology, and then he stood awkwardly in the hallway before turning on his heels and leaving. What he had said at the end made no sense, but she would have to puzzle it out some other time.

She heard him and Charlie begin to yell at each other again and then proceeded into her room. Did this mean that she didn't have a family? Why did she live in the back of a bar?

Kel began to inspect her room. It was very neat. She was rather surprised. She had a trunk of dresses. A small bed and a night stand with a chair and mirror. She sat down at the stand and looked at herself.

She was a decently tall girl, and looked to be maybe sixteen or seventeen. She had hazel eyes, and straight hair, average looks really. It was somewhat hard to tell with a large bandage covering much of her forehead and the side of her head.

She filled the basin on the stand with some water from a pitcher that had been next to it. She winced slightly as she pulled her dress over her head as she prepared to clean herself up. But what she saw next shocked her. She not only had many small scars across her body, as well as some bruises, but something far more disturbing.

Written in blood, previously hidden by her dress were words. Written crudely across her mid section was: My name is Kel.

'Is that me, am I Kel?' she thought to herself. 'If I was, then why would I write my name on my body, did I know I was going to lose my memory?"

She began to scrutinize her clothes, and tried to find other clues. Kel found none. She also looked around her room, which she now realized was extremely empty. It looked like a room that a guest would stay in overnight, not a girl's permanent place to stay. She looked for clues there too, nothing.

She sighed and went back to the trunk and pulled out a night gown. It was plain, white, and shapeless. It didn't seem to be exactly tailor fit, and sure enough when she pulled it on, it fit her like a sack, a decently comfortable sack, but a sack none the less. Her suspicions grew. Nothing in this room seemed to belong to her, and none of the things in it sparked any memories like she hoped they would.

"Well, at least I have a name." Possibly having a true identity gave her only the smallest sense of comfort, because it almost guaranteed that she wasn't among friends. This meant that she had to be on her guard, she no longer had the luxury to take things at face value, but she had a strange feeling that she never had.

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"She's going to figure it out, she's not dumb." Ed whispered to Charlie. He had seen the look in her eyes when she had glared at him. She was too rational for this ploy. He could understand how she had become a knight. Keladry of Mindelan was no stranger to adversity.

"Ed, she can't possible know. We planned everythin'. They have plans for her!" Charlie hissed. Truth be told, he didn't care very much about long term secrecy . All he knew was that this Keladry girl would be taken off of his hands soon enough. And good riddance too, he could already tell the girl was going to be a hand full. He just wanted to be able to get back to running his pub.

"If you say so Charlie, but I'm just saying we have to be very careful, that's all." Ed didn't particularly like conflict. "I have to leave, but I'll be back later. I have to take care of one of the prisoners."

"Ya're lucky, go have some fun. I have to stay here with the girl." Charlie whined, "I wish I could go rough up Queens Cove a little bit, he needs to be taught a lesson."

"You know the, funny thing is, I was thinking the same thing." Ed smirked. "Well, see you later Charlie." He ambled towards the front of the pub, and was about to leave, but stopped. "Oh, and make sure to keep up the act. You told the staff how to behave, right?"

"Of course, they know all about it." Ed raised an eyebrow. "What? Ya know that most of the people I hire have the same...interests as us. Things are so much simpler that way. It makes it much easier to tidy up."

Ed shrugged, "Naturally." He decided this that it would be a good time to exit, he and Charlie had never been very good friends. They were just fellow operatives who had been assigned this mission together. They had more history together then he liked, though. Some things couldn't be forgotten.

Ed slipped out of the pub and onto the street. It was only a little after seven in the morning and the day had already gotten complicated.


	3. A Step too Far?

**Chapter 3: A Step too Far?**

Kel awoke in a foreign bed. Then she realized that at the moment, any bed would most likely seem foreign. She remembered the tavern, the blood, but more importantly, she remembered her complete and total loss of memory.

How strange, she mused, that she knew nothing of any real value about herself. It seemed like no one was giving her any useful information. She had a feeling that for some reason, this was their intent. She felt like there was much more to her story than anyone was willing to disclose.

Kel remembered what she had been told, but based on what had been written on her body, she had some doubts. She knew that no matter what was going on, she had to play along for the time being; she needed more information. Kel felt that even though she didn't necessarily feel comfortable with basically being a sitting duck, accepting help from an enemy, she had very little choice in the matter.

So, Kel did what she had to, she got up and washed her face. She couldn't help but look at herself in the mirror again. She looked slightly better than before. Her face seemed to have a bit more color.

She wasn't that awful looking really, she thought. It could be worse, after all, she could have had a hooked nose or a harelip.

Over all, Kel was satisfied with her reflection.

She walked over to the trunk and pulled out one of the dresses that it contained. The dress was a faded brown color, and made of coarse material. She didn't feel like wearing such a thing was natural, but she supposed that it was the type of thing that a poor barmaid would wear. But at this point she was starting to feel like she had never been a poor barmaid at all, so feelings about such things didn't particularly matter.

Kel put the dress on and only one word came to mind, restricting. Now that she had more time to analyze her feelings, she felt like a dress, especially this dress was all wrong.

She tied her hair back with a strip of clothe that had been in the trunk and took a deep breath to steady herself and forced herself to open her door. It slid open with a wretched creaking noise that made her wince slightly. She hadn't noticed it before.

Kel doubted that anyone had heard the sound but her, for when she had stepped out the door, she became aware of loud, boisterous voices from the main room of the tavern. She vaguely wondered what time it was. In fact, it occurred to Kel that she hadn't had any idea of what time it was since before she came here. She could only assume that now it was some time later in the evening for the place to be this busy.

She felt a bit awkward as she slowly ventured down the hall towards the main room where she had been hours earlier. When she reached the end of the hall, she found the room much different than when she had last been there. The room was packed. It was full of men, and the occasional barmaid. There were also some other women there, she blushed at their state of dress, which easily implied their profession.

"Eh Lass! What can I do ya for?" A large man at the bar called to her.

"Oh...um I'm fine." She attempted to move away from him, but he would not be put off so easily.

"Nonsense! Ya look a bit peaky. I'll get ya some food."

Kel really didin't have tome to protest before had handed her a bowl of what seemed to be stew.

"Thank you." She gave him a small smile.

He gave her a wink and returned to his customers.

"Eh! Lil," someone shouted from across the room. Her head jerked towards the speaker. It was Charlie. "what ar' ya doin' up, girl? Ya' should be restin'" Kel was startled by how he almost sounded angry.

She became nervous when he grabbed her arm and roughly pulled her back down the hall towards her room. He pushed her in and then followed her, closing the door quickly behind him.

Kel looked up at him with wide, startled eyes. He turned to face her again and when he saw the look of fear and shock on her face, his own eyes widened slightly. He looked between her and the door and fully realized the spectacle he had just made. It was quite possible that no one had seen it but that didn't matter so much as the trust he had just possible lost with the girl. The boss would not be happy. He scrambled to come up with a reasonable explanation for his actions.

The truth was that he was chosen for this part of the operation because for everything to go according to plan, Keladry must be put into such a setting where she could become familiar with her life. Well, really the life constructed for her by The Shadows. How perfect for them to have her without past emotions or loyalties. They would have a spy that would remain faithful only to them and that did not remember past experiences, which in the end would only hold her back. Kel would be the perfect weapon for their cause.

The fact was that Charlie knew very little about the operation at all. His only objective was to introduce her to her 'old life', before she lost her memory during a bar fight, where she had been hit just a little too hard in the head.

Edward was his accomplice in a way. He was higher up on the organization, but seeing that he was not back yet, Charlie wasn't entirely sure what to do.

"I was just worried that ya might get hurt again Lil," he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "sorry if I startled ya." He said apologetically.

Kel could think of very little to say and nodded. She seemed to be very nonverbal lately.

"So just stay here, and later we can talk." Charlie reasoned, adopting a soothing tone. "Now, are ya going to be all right until then?" he asked.

Once again, she nodded. Kel didn't trust him. He left the room then, and closed the door firmly behind him.

Kel collapsed onto her bed. If it was possible, she felt even less safe now in her surroundings than before.

She drank some water from the pitcher in her room in an attempt to calm herself. Charlie had told her to rest, but she didn't feel like resting, once again she felt an almost overwhelming sense of tiredness.

The feeling was beginning to seem very strange. She didn't understadn why she still felt so tired. Honestly, she hadn't done anything, but she still felt like she could easilhy take a nap.

Edward moved quickly towards the tavern, passing through the familiar city with ease. He had been given the sign for action. He was to start the more elaborate part of the project now. He knew it had to be done, but he wished that he didn't have to be the one to do it.

Edward had joined The Shadows because he wanted change. He had experienced firsthand what the hierarchy of this society could do to people and he knew from a young age that he would do everything in his power to destroy the monarchy.

The Shadows had found him on the streets of this very city when he was only ten years old. They had taken him in, and fed him, trained him, and he owed them for it.

But Edward felt that this was somehow wrong. He wanted to ruin the king, but erasing the memory of a girl and using her as a weapon against her friends and family was cruel.

He had made a pledge when he had been initiated that he would do whatever it took to take down the king, but he felt like this was a step too far. He would do it though, if not because of his own convictions, but for the people.

Edward knew that using Keladry of Mindelan as a weapon would be effective, and as much as he hated it, it was for the greater good.

Before he knew it, he had reached the tavern and entered with distaste, it was not his type of place to put it lightly. He saw Charlie cleaning up at one of the tables.

Edward wasted no time, and whispered to Charlie, "The time to act is now. I have been given the orders."

Charlie looked at him with thinly veiled excitement, "She 'ill be leaven' soon then?" he questioned Ed carefully.

Edward rolled his eyes, "Yes, she will be leaving with me in a few hours time if everything goes to plan and you will be able to get back to being a full time bar owner and part time drunk." Charlie seemed to get even more excited.

"She leaves that soon."

"Yes, she does. Now don't say anything, just play along, let me handle it, this is a very delicate situation." He notice Charlie shift with slight unease as he said this and glared. "I trust that you haven't done anything too incredibly stupid since I was last here I trust." It was more of an affirmation than a question.

Charlie fumbled with a filthy cleaning rag as he avoided Ed's gaze, "Well, maybe I scared 'er a little bit earlier. I was jus-"

Edward cut him off, "Save it. On second thought, why don't you just stay out here?"

He briskly made his way to the girl's room. "I guess I have to just do everything for myself." He mumbled angrily to himself.

Kel had remained in her room all night after the incident with Charlie. She knew that there was nothing she could do but wait.

She heard footsteps moving down the hallway, the tapping getting louder and louder, until it stopped, at her door. The person knocked, she wasn't just going to let them in.

"Who is it?" Kel questioned. She heard a slightly exasperated sigh from outside.

"It's Edward, may I come in?"

"Yes." Kel swallowed and got up from the bed where she had been lying staring at the ceiling for the majority of the night. The door creaked and Ed entered, leaving the door open behind him.

Edward regarded her for a moment, "Would you like to sit down?" She looked at him curiously, almost replying that she had been sitting down for hours. But Kel complied with his suggestion sitting down in the chair by her mirror.

He took a few uneasy paces before her and then turned and met her confused gaze. "Lil, I have something that I need to tell you."

"Before your accident," he said this rather uneasily, "you had agreed to join a certain organization. Do you remember anything about it?" He knew full well that she wouldn't but thought it would be best to ask the question anyways.

Kel shook her head no. He continued, "Well, the organization is called the Shadows. It is an organization that is fighting the corruption of Tortall. That is to say, that The Shadows are trying to destroy the monarchy of this country because they are evil and causing pain to the people." He watched Kel for any sign of recognition, and when he saw none he continued.

"You had agreed a few night s ago, to become a spy for The Shadows and an agent. Your conduction into the organization is tonight and I was wondering if you would still be willing to join. So, would you?"

Kel shifted uneasily in her chair. She didn't know if joining was such a good idea, but she had a feeling that no matter what she said in response, Edward would cajole her into it anyways. She had so many questions. He wasn't telling her anything but the basics, what he had told her had been practically useless. She knew nothing about the monarchy that he was speaking out against. For all she knew, The Shadows were the enemy, not the monarchy. But she had a feeling that joining this group might help her in the long run to help her learn more about herself.

To Kel, self knowledge was what she wanted most. She wanted to know her true name, her heritage, her family. Kel wanted to know as much about her true life as she could and hopefully became one of The Shadows would help.

"I'll do it." She told Ed, "Where do I go?"

"Come with me. As you might have guessed, I'm a member as well. I have already informed them of your…unusual circumstances."

Kel couldn't help but wonder who this 'them' was, but there was only one way to find out. So when Edward got up and walked out of the room, Kel followed, not knowing what lie ahead of her, but knowing that she could not remain at the tavern without answers.


End file.
